What's Left Behind in the Graveyard Maze

There's something really fascinating about instant cameras in this day and age. The fact that it prints immediately, and that you only have a limited amount of shots on the film roll make the moments more memorable, in a way. For a while I have wanted to go back to this particular graveyard in my town, which was once a place that I saw everyday from my bedroom window. Even when I moved house, the graveyard seemed to follow me, at least subconsciously. 

I have always found it a place of tranquillity and beauty, nothing sinister about it. As a child, it was just there, a part of everyday life, but in recent years I have dreamt of it on an almost regular basis. I have quite a few recurring dreams, so this was not distressing to me. In fact, the dreamy version of this cemetery is something that I can recall vividly; it sprawls across the hills for miles and miles - hundreds of acres, even - with each tombstone a work of art, packed in like sardines, and the early morning sky a dusky blue. 

Every dream has a different landscape, shifting into new things in each one, but somehow I know it is the same place, presenting a different guise. It is lush and crowded, covered with green. Unearthly, yet radiating peacefulness and a distant sense of melancholy, which doesn't quite touch me. Time stands still. It always does in the graveyard.

Eventually the sun begins to set, and a whole day has passed with me wandering the grounds or propped up against a tombstone. The sky is cast with buttermilk yellow clouds, and I lie down to rest. There is no point trying to get home, for I have walked too far to get back before nightfall. Yet somehow this doesn't worry me, I'm languid and calm. 

You can perhaps see why I was eager to get back. I find it a very interesting and pretty place, and although I don't know what my recurring dreams mean, I rather like them. It changes every time I visit, so this time I came armed with my Instax camera and a phone to take video footage.

I was not disappointed at all to find that due to the current weather, the entire place has been sun-bleached, adding to the sense of overgrowth and decay; one time years and years ago, I actually got a bit dizzy and fell as I walked through the grass. It was also summertime, in the midst of the ragged, angel-strewn paths. I was a bit stunned, so I just laid there, feeling the sun on my skin. The grass was dead, just as it was when I visited yesterday, and felt more like straw, scratching my arms and clinging to my hair and clothes. The heat and vast blue sky (which didn't quite make it into my photos, for some reason) reminded me of that day.

Perhaps due to budget cuts in my area, the graveyard seems to have withered and decayed even more since the last time I saw it. The church is boarded up, its peeling green doors double padlocked and coated with webs, and the caretaker's house has long been deserted, probably as long as I have been alive. The windows once had lace curtains, but now they have been torn down and replaced with wood painted black. Tombs have fallen from their foundations due to the recent snow, and the angels are bound with thorny branches. I found a pink silk rose, thrown nonchalantly to the statue of Jesus. Nearby, a bush had been dislodged from its roots and looked as though it had fallen from the sky, sitting next to the grave of a woman called Margaret. But despite the decline in care, wild poppies have sprouted in clusters around the entrance, and swallows dart through the air like missiles.

Last night I spent a few hours learning how to use a video editing software so that I could make this very short film. It is not perfect, or even good, by any means, but I had a lot of fun cutting clips and editing it all together! Here is the result:

The angel headstones are probably my favourite part of the place, which gave the name to my blog: "Nocturne des Anges". It can either mean a Nocturne piece of music, since I love classical music (especially Satie), or a nighttime scene, bringing to mind angels singing in the night.
If you watch, I hope you enjoy seeing the features of the graveyard as much as I enjoyed filming them!

ℰllie

Remnants: Heatwave, Snapshots, Collections

I apologise for the long delay in posting here on the blog! The past month or so have soared by, just as a cloud sails through the sky; it may appear slow to those laying in the long grass and pointing out peculiar shapes, but much higher up, closer to what is really happening, the wind is pushing the cloud at a surprisingly fast speed. That is how time feels for me, as of late. Things are slow and peaceful in the moment, but when I really think about it, the days are escaping me, as it is June already! I totally forgot to post this month, even though I had a couple of ideas.

There isn't much news to report from the writing front. I did, however, get a new laptop that I'm hoping will see me through university (I accepted my place for Creative Writing this month, too). My last one was very old, slow and heavy - much like myself lately, so who can blame it? - and seemed to suffer with fainting spells, overheating and then blacking out. This naturally made chronicling Maxime's life quite difficult, so it was high time to dive into my savings for a new laptop to abuse.

Whilst dallying around the chore of copying everything from my deceased laptop to my brand spanking new one, and installing Scrivener once again (why all the little tiny files, Scrivener?) I began some more research for Maxime, which was a great distraction from basically everything else. Armed with highlighters and gel pens, I can make some damn good notes. Unfortunately I become so absorbed in research that I forget to write the actual story, so I'm still on 32,000+ words right now. The story is starting to get pretty intense though, so perhaps my characters needed a little rest... (or maybe I just need a kick up the bum).

I've been very into photography lately, which has also become a nice diversion from what I should be doing. Both digital and film are interesting to me, so I have been experimenting with film cameras (mostly an Instax mini 9 as a starter camera, and then a Kodak funsaver disposable which I picked up on a whim to see if I like it).
I will show a couple of pics here; the first few are of a trip I took to Leamington-spa and Warwick Castle in early April, then there is a photo of the wildflowers I gathered on the banks of a bridge outside my grandmother's house. The last one was taken today, on a country trail.

Jephson Gardens, Leamington-Spa - Ellie Morris

More of Jephson Gardens and an urn at Warwick Castle - Ellie Morris

Warwick Castle - Ellie Morris

I've also taken up scrapbooking again, pressing flowers between my heavy dressmaking books and tearing up old leaflets. It's really the little things that make me happy, such as taking photos and finding beautiful flowers and plants on walks. Currently there is a heatwave in England, which I mostly stay inside to avoid, but the summer sunshine and rain really bring out the beauty of what lies outside my closed curtains and locked door.

A Posy of Forget-me-nots - Ellie Morris

I suppose I have a huge case of wanderlust, wanting to see and do everything I can. This may be why I take my camera everywhere and come up with a never ending list of places I wish to go. From my bedroom everything seems so far away, especially since I'm sick a lot of the time, but it's nice to take things slowly sometimes.

A bench covered in nettles on a country trail in Cheshire - Ellie Morris

I was very glad to hear this week that my family have finally decided where we will be going on holiday this summer - we're going to Portugal for the first time! Portugal has been on my dream travel list for a while now, and although it isn't Lisbon as I planned, it will be very exciting!
I have started collecting Victorian CDVs (Carte de Visites, or 'visiting cards' in English, which are basically small studio photographic portraits that people used to exchange and collect in albums, taken of family members and friends). Hopefully I can find some in Portugal, too, in some antique shop or market... There is something strange but fulfilling about collecting the portraits of long-gone strangers from all around the world, gathering people together that most likely never would have breathed the same air.

I'm just going completely mad about my collections lately. Small, meaningless things that don't have much value, but that I love to pour over and seek out, such as postcards, photos, antique and vintage books and magazines, etc. When I was younger I used to collect rocks and crystals rather than play with toys, so I suppose collecting is just one of those creature comforts that I always fall back on when I'm not feeling very creative.

The Painter (I decided to call him Edwin) - Ellie Morris

Swedish boy from 1906, whom I named Alexander - Ellie Morris

Well-dressed siblings, named Tobias and Louisa - Ellie Morris

Hopefully I can get out of this rut soon, and it will be business as usual, both for my novels, and for this blog!

Ellie

Maxime Illustrations Part I

Unfortunately I haven't had much opportunity or desire to draw or paint much, until just recently. It's been a dream of mine for a while now to make a very special edition of one of my stories, complete with glossy illustrations dotted throughout the chapters, hardback, with a lovely dust jacket and gold lettering... (I could even paste in the Ex Libris that my dear friend's sister inked for me... *sighs dreamily*) 

Naturally, when the urge to draw came over me again, my thoughts turned to Maxime, the character of my upcoming novel! 

Hiding - © Ellie Morris

In this case, I wanted to sketch out how certain characters looked, what they were wearing, and their expressions in particular scenes. What I intended to just be a character design of Maxime, turned into a fully-shaded illustration, also featuring Leopold and the dastardly Monsieur Dalle! I was having far too much fun adding details, shadows, and more characters to it. 

It shows a scene from Chapter 2, where Maxime is caught in an awkward situation, listening to his new co-star, Leopold, and his director, Dalle, talking about him. He hides in the bathroom to avoid them (Dalle especially, since he makes him deeply uncomfortable from day one), but in this picture I had him hiding behind the boxes of props and cameras to avoid detection, since the set is disorganised and in a messy state.  

I wrote the chapters first, then drew from how I imagined it. 

A Night Alone - © Ellie Morris

 I'm pretty pleased with how my design for Maxime came out, as it is happily just as I imagined him to look. I usually struggle to draw men/boys a lot, so the facial features on Leo and Dalle might not be the best, but I had fun with designing them, too. The more I dislike Dalle, the more wrinkles I add to his face!
Drawing out characters and scenes is a good way to build on ideas, from my experience. It helps to imagine the angles and where everything is situated, as well as mood, expressions, body language, and colours. I'm a very visual person, so it works for me!

In the second image, poor Maxime is collapsing on his hotel room bed after a long first day at work. He'd been awfully nervous and excited all day, so his tiredness caught up with him, and the poor boy has the flu, to boot! His parents and sister could not make it to Paris with him for his first day at the film studio, so he had to go alone, and dreaded staying in a faraway city at night, all alone.
I just want to give him a big hug - and I know my friend that has been reading the chapters so far, does too.

I'll update with more illustrations as I finish them, as I have quite a few planned.

ℰllie

Fashion and Fiction: Dressing Your Characters

Here's a confession: I sometimes go a bit overboard when writing about clothes/costumes in my books. Loving historical costume (or just dressing up in general, heh) is a passion that really puts its mark on my characters.
For example, Aika from When the Summer Ends is considered odd because she loves dressing in clothes from other eras, even just to potter around in her garden. She is a lonely, quite isolated character that doesn't fit in much anywhere, whether it is America or France, with her mother or father, or at school... I thought the fact that she wears unusual clothes in everyday life would be a way to illustrate how alienated from people and places she feels, as though she longs for the past, which she views through rose-tinted glasses, and nostalgic fantasy.
In my latest story, Maxime is an actor. He loves wearing costumes, as it is a perfect way for him to get into character; to be forced to move, sit, and have the posture of his protagonist, and to feel the fabrics and tactile sensations that the character he plays would have felt in the days before polyester and synthetic fabrics.

With the arrival of a new dress for my BJD version of Aika, how she relates to the clothes she wears must have been playing on my mind, so I turned some simple photos into a story of sorts, using original text from my novel, When the Summer Ends. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed making them!

Aika's Wardrobe I - © Ellie Morris

Aika's Wardrobe II - © Ellie Morris

Aika's Wardrobe III - © Ellie Morris

Aika's Wardrobe IV - © Ellie Morris

Aika's Wardrobe V - © Ellie Morris

In my story, Aika wears historical-inspired fashions that she either commissions or makes; she has a strong love for 18th and 19th Century fashions! But she also has a wardrobe of stylish but modest late-1950's-early-1960's clothes, to befit her family and lifestyle. Some people say that she dresses very eccentrically.

On an unrelated note, I thought it was kind of funny how Aika and Maxime's stories are different, but still contain similar elements. Aika was born eight years before Max, but I wonder if they would like each other, should their paths cross. (It wouldn't happen, but it's interesting to think about).

♕

Clothing, although sometimes it can be very discrete, does have a way of expressing things about the wearer. I'm not exactly talking about how wearing ripped skinny jeans makes one a slob or a punk or whatever, but that it can show things that words and actions may not.
Whether it is intentionally or not, the way a character dresses can express any of the following:

Personality

If a character is confident, they may wear somewhat more revealing, or even wacky clothing -- especially if that confidence is also based around their appearance.
An example that springs to mind is Vince Noir, from the TV series "The Mighty Boosh", since I watched it recently. Part of his personality is focused around his almost constant sunny disposition and laid-back attitude. But he is also very intent on following and being ahead of the current trends, jumping from one sub-culture to the next, whether it be mod, goth, punk, or something else. Therefore, he isn't afraid to express himself through clothing that is outlandish and unusual - and also very form-fitting on occasion - due to his relaxed and confident personality.
On the other hand, a more shy character may wear something subdued and modest in order to not draw attention to themselves; but alternately, they could also wear something more alternative and fitting to their aesthetics to give themselves a boost of confidence! It's all up to your character and circumstance.

Moods

When you are feeling unhappy, do you decide to wear dark colours when you get dressed that day? Sometimes I do, as sporting an obnoxious shade of pink when I'm feeling down can irritate me; I don't feel pretty on the inside, so why should I bother on the outside? I've also heard some people say that intentionally putting on colourful clothes when in a dark mood is a way of trying to boost their spirits.

Wearing black when in a dark mood, or when you want to be invisible, can also be accidental. If your character is going through some hard times, maybe the first thing they throw on is a black T-shirt, or a change of pyjamas, without even thinking of the reasons why. 

Maybe they don't even want to change their clothes, if they are deeply depressed. An example of that which I will always remember is in Stephen King's "Misery", where his character Annie Wilkes suffered from painful mood swings; in her happier moods she would wear pretty but still practical clothes with light colours, but when she became severely depressed and angry, Paul Sheldon noticed that she rarely changed her attire, and that her dressing gown was covered with food stains. 

Interests

Is your character a part of any particular scene? Do they express themselves through pins, badges and patches on their clothing, or carry a bag with the logo of their favourite bands/ musicians/football teams? Are they a part of an important cause? - such as human or animal rights, global warming, or a particular charity - which could be a reason to wear T-shirts with slogans relating to those passions.
Very often, I see people that wear merchandise of their hobbies, fandoms, and celebrity crushes. It can frequently be the first thing people notice about them, and a way to strike up conversation with like-minded people. In high school, the girls in my form often knew who was 'Team Edward' and who was 'Team Jacob' just through giving a quick glance to their backpacks, coats, jumpers or stationary (for the record, I was neither, and would always answer "Team Voldemort" as a joke when asked who I supported!).
Interests can also be shown through makeup, accessories, body modifications, and certain haircuts. Somebody may wear earrings of their favourite animal, or shave certain designs into their hair, if their hair is short.

Situations

There is a time and a place for everything, and sometimes dress codes are important. If clothing for a formal occasion is warranted, a character may have to dress themselves accordingly, whether it is for a wedding, funeral, a Sunday service in church, or a particularly grueling meeting with a loathsome individual like a strict relative, an ex that they are wanting to outdo, or an enemy that needs taking down a peg or two. 
Would your character worry endlessly over what to wear to an impromptu date or night out? Perhaps the situation has taken them by surprise, and they have no idea what would be suitable to wear. Or maybe they are a rebel and just don't care about convention! 

Beliefs

Religious beliefs can often be expressed through attire such as jewellery or ceremonial clothes and headwear. Sometimes you can even spot or guess which organisation a person belongs to through the type of pendant they wear, or which saint or idol they look up to.
Another idea I thought of was inspired by some people I used to know at college and online, who wore eco-friendly clothing made of hemp or recycled fabrics, or wore vintage to avoid fast-fashion and preserve heritage. These clothes are also influenced by beliefs about society, the environment, and how things are produced in the modern age.

Era

I can easily tell when a film, novel, or photograph was set or produced, simply based on the clothing that characters wear. Fashion is very transitional, and varies wildly, even just in the past fifteen years. The 20th Century is a very good example, as so much changed in those 100 years!
Hemlines rose and fell dramatically (think of how showing legs was considered scandalous in the years before the 1920's, and how women of the 20's embraced shorter dresses that enabled new dances and trends; the Mini skirt of the 1960's, and then the outrage in the 1970's when the Maxi skirt came into fashion).
Casual wear such as jeans, and trousers for women became gradually more acceptable in those decades. Fabrics also went through big transformations in 20th Century, with synthetics and rationing contributing to different trends over the years. The colours and patterns of clothing is also a good way to show what era something is set in (and ditto for home interiors, too).

Country

If your character lives in a really hot country, it is likely that they will dress in a way that enables them to stay cool - and vice versa. Does their location have a specialty for a certain type of fabric, such as tartan wool, silk, or cotton, which is easier to wear since it is local (I think this applies more to historical novels than ones set in the modern day)? Do they have events where they wear national costume? Do they take pride in their country by wearing patriotic gear? Do they own a T-shirt from a country that they visited?

All of these can show a reader things about a character, without having to tell them directly.

♕

It will be interesting to hear what readers think, so please leave a comment on what you or your characters like to wear, and if you have a reason for it!
And why not give some short (or long) descriptions of your character's sense of style a try, if you haven't written about that kind of thing before? It could possibly add a subtle hint of symbolism to your story!

ℰllie

Maxime: So What's It all About?

For 'Nocturne des Anges' being the blog of an author, I don't seem to write much about what I'm actually writing book-wise, on here. I might have made some vague statements here and there since October last year, about who Maxime is and what his story is about, but I haven't exactly expanded on anything publicly. Heck, on my blog and social media I simply end up blabbing about how much I adore him as my latest writing companion, and that he's very lovable to me, and is my current ticket to running around 1960's Paris and the darker parts of my mind...

It seems a bit silly to be so quiet on a subject that I'm passionate about, and that, in my opinion, should be expressed as a means of gaining interest.

A point that I saw on a blog post for maximising creativity offered an interesting idea: write a pitch or artist statement explaining why your project is so important. The idea was to read it through every day and remind yourself why you're passionate about it, and want to meet the goal - more of a personal motivator than something professional to hand in to an editor or publisher, I expect. I already know that the story is important to me, and that I'm going to see it through to the end, but I thought writing an informal statement and posting it here would be a good way of expressing the story and message to others, too. 

Medal from Rock n Rose, I'm planning some Maxime-related photography soon...

“Maxime” is set in 1960’s France, and is a mixture of historical, romantic, drama, and LGBT fictional genres. 

Synopsis: 

Maxime de Faye is a child-star, trapped in an adult’s world. Twelve and naive, he falls into a nest of vipers when his beauty, vivacity, and natural talent captures the interest of a director, giving him the opportunity to begin his dream cinema career in Paris. First came the excitement of his impending fame and fortune, but he is soon knocked flat on his back, to the mercy of the city and all those that would surround and tower over him, when he realises that his role brings about more than just the ordinary admiration and applause that he craved in the beginning… 

Despite being disgusted by and afraid of the older men that would not hesitate to prey on him in his new and unusual environment, Maxime finds himself very attracted to and curious about his co-star, Leopold Ronis, an older boy of eighteen years. In turn, his puppy love is requited by Ronis, who despite keeping the boy out of harm’s way and ensuring that the relationship between them on set is chaste, secretly lusts after him just as much as the other men in their circle. 

Maxime’s films and performance may be otherworldly, but reality can be jarring in the head space of young teenage boy who is overworked, bombarded with the responsibility of an adult three times his age, and forced to smile despite feeling lonely in a world filled with countless names and faces. 

Only the support and love of his younger sister, Leone, and boyfriend, Leopold, manages to drag him from deep despair and broken confidence, and Maxime realises that dreams and ambitions can be outgrown.

♕

If my character Aika was a reflection of the emotions I felt at the age of fourteen, and Carrie/Cherry (both from the "When the Summer Ends"/"Mansions of Glass" duology) was built upon the type of person I wanted to meet and become friends with, Maxime feels more like a son to me; we are not very like each other - as the Myer-Briggs test clearly illustrated, in a previous post -  yet I feel very protective of him.

He starts off as around the same age as my previous protagonists, but this type of bold and passionate  (yet tortured) character is different to what I've written before, and is what makes me excited to continue with his story. 

Max almost writes himself in a way, as he runs from scene to scene (both literally and figuratively, as he is an actor), yelling "come on, come on!" despite his initial trepidation, and it's hard to keep up with him. As a result, I'm up at all hours scribbling down ideas, and flinging plot points at him, and in turn, he flings ideas back at me, saying "I'd like this to happen, I have to have some good times, too," or "what about this? It's very likely". As I said, he tends to write himself, and is very eager to do so.

Medal from Rock n Rose, I'm planning some Maxime-related photography soon...

 

Due to just wanting to write, write, write in order to keep up, rather than blog, and constantly thinking of what will happen next in his adventures in minute detail, I had been rather worried about writing a pitch, or summary of sorts, just in case some things should change. See, Maxime is an impulsive kind of beast, and as I'm learning new things about him and his life story every day, when I thought I knew it all, I wanted to see how it goes before committing to certain things... As I get new ideas every day, it seems like a very big project, and is almost overwhelming at times. 

I also kept things pretty secret because of shyness, too; I always worry that people will laugh at my ideas, or think that I'm too dark and sinister or controversial in my content. 

Talking to my close friend, who is also a writer, really helped to solidify things that I was worried about, however, and now that things are very clear about the story, I'm trying to get over the nerves of gathering everything together and putting my ideas out there to other people.

Along with how much I enjoy creating the world of my new protagonists, this story gives me a lot of enthusiasm and the characters are quite divergent to what I've written before, so I have a lot of high hopes for it. Sometimes that can be quite intimidating, but I'm using what I learned through re-reading When the Summer Ends and advice from my friends, family and beta readers, to better myself and hopefully achieve something really meaningful. 

I hope that my story will be as interesting for people to read as it is for me to write! 

ℰllie

Jan & Feb Monthly Logs: Better Things, Happy Mail, and Opportunities

If you've been following my posts on my Facebook and Instagram accounts, I recently posted a picture of my area's weather in a more peaceful, picturesque state (and I will post it here too, as it's rather pretty).

Winter in March - Ellie Morris

Imagine my surprise when I opened the curtains to find everywhere covered in frosty white blankets, a fairytale image of bliss that we rarely get in our damp and blustery town by the sea. Snow falling from the sky, it was a happy day for most; my brother experienced a snowball fight and building a snowman for the first time, and I know he wasn't the only one that enjoyed this change in weather.
Now, I never used to be such a Scrooge, as I have fond memories of snowball fights in the fields and my sister's good aim and timing, which ended up with a snowball inside my mouth! But I have to confess that snow, these days, is an anxious nightmare for me. I have issues with my balance and walking, and if I slip on the ice, I could potentially get injured. So I mostly stayed inside, which isn't necessarily depressing... until the boiler broke down within a few hours of The Beast from the East coming to the UK!
I'll tell you, this week has been an absolute challenge! The highlight was definitely having no central heating or warm water for three days (it turned out that the pipes had been frozen solid, so it was an easy fix, thankfully), but some other trials turned this week from bad to worse. Other annoying things included strange dreams and little sleep; a meeting (it wasn't too bad, but I just dislike that sort of thing); baking disasters that ultimately ended up being okay, but was very trying and I had to make three separate attempts; embarrassing myself in public; a blood test that ended up with blood running all down my arm; and finally, to top things off, as soon as I got to the restaurant for my sister's birthday, I realised that I had forgotten something very important... Underwear.
It's been a crazy week, but at least it ended on a funny note! And there were so many good things that happened within the past two months.
So on a more positive note...

January

Such a wonderful thing happened on the first day of this month! My lovely friend, Vivi, opened her own indie Lolita fashion business!! We'd chatted about such a thing for some time, and she is such a talented, sweet and dedicated soul that I'm so incredibly proud of her; you go, girl! She works in a team of three to produce historically-inspired, lacy, intricate, dreamy designs, along with her sister and mother. Their brand name is Viviana Iris, and I want to buy their entire store and future collections until I can hardly breathe due to my room being filled to the ceiling with ruffles, lace, and silk.
In fact, as soon as I could, I snapped up a pair of bloomers and a bonnet for my dolls, which was a dream come true, and I'm thrilled with the quality and love that goes into the clothing.
Please take a look at their Facebook page and Storenvy, and if you're inclined, follow them on her new Instagram! @vivianairisfashions

Beautiful things from Viviana Iris

Another exciting mail day was when I received my parcel from China, containing my first ever BJD! She is Myou Delia, and I decided to name her Aika, after my main character from my previous two novels, "When the Summer Ends" and "Mansions of Glass". She is a character that I felt incredibly close to throughout the writing, and even today she remains one of my favourites, as we have a lot in common - so a physical representation of my first 'proper' novel character is wonderful to have!
I'd always wanted a BJD, maybe for six years, and I had decided long ago that my first one would be Aika. I wonder if anybody else has a doll or figurine of their characters, as a way of inspiring and rewarding oneself for artwork or writing? Let me know in the comments if you have one, or if you're planning one!
(I don't have a great picture yet, as I'm still styling her and waiting for decent light and her official outfit - but she's too pretty to leave without an image, haha. The bluebell dress she is wearing, I bought from Cath Kidston and altered and customised. Perfect for Spring!)

Aika in her new dress - Ellie Morris

One of the achievements for January was hitting 20,000 words of "Tiger Lily Maxime"! Obviously I was very behind on NaNoWriMo to only reach that goal now, but it's still incredibly pleasing, nevertheless! Some nights I write 4,000+ words in one sitting, and only realise that it is past midnight when I start getting thirsty, and it's that kind of concentration and enthusiasm that really adds a significant amount to my word count. Otherwise, I think about it more than I actually spend time doing it, haha. I'm always getting new ideas and inspiration for this story, and it's been so enjoyable every time I find enough brain cells and hours to write!

February

Another busy month, also with some exciting opportunities.

I found out early on, that I received an unconditional offer for my Creative Writing course at university! Of course, I already had my qualifications from last year, so I didn't need to wait on exam results to receive my place - but I was still extremely happy to get an offer like that! Nerves almost always accompanies excitement, but I celebrated by travelling down to Liverpool on the train to meet my dad out of work, where we went to a Vietnamese restaurant that I like (I discovered Vietnamese pho in January, and found that I can't get enough of it!), and did some shopping.

Mint Turntable and Morricone - Ellie Morris

It was a really lovely evening, and I bought myself a record player in HMV! I've been interested in record players, as a lot of the music I like is quite old, but I'm so glad that I took the plunge and actually got one. Usually if I want something, I sit around and think about it for a long while, and it's probably a few months before I actually get my paws on whatever it is I'm thinking of getting - but this was a relatively quick decision, and not at all a bad one!

First two Vinyls - Ellie Morris

The first vinyl I bought was a live album of Ennio Morricone in Santa Cecilia. It was really fun to listen to, and sometimes as I drift off to sleep, it feels like I'm in a spaghetti western movie.
The next day, I bought an album by another artist that I admire, Clothilde, a young singer in the late 1960's who was famous for her sweet voice but cynical and strange lyrics. I'm so glad to own this record too, as I listen to her "French Swinging Mademoiselle" album a lot.
Since my dad was very pleased about my record player, he told his cousin, who dropped off two huge boxes of his late mother's records; I found some real treasures in there, including Siouxsie and the Banshee's "Once Upon a Time" album, and a Glen Miller compilation, along with a LOT of Elvis and other rock n' roll artists. This week I'm going through them all, working out what I can sell, and which ones I will keep. There must be over 200, so it's going to take a while!

Aside from that, I also started a small, part-time volunteering job at an animal shelter for small pets! It's early days, as I've only been once so far, but I enjoyed looking after the animals. There are two rabbits, two guinea pigs, a cage of degus, and three African Grey parrots! Holding the parrot for the first time was kind of scary, as they're so big and have massive, sharp beaks, but I'd never done that before, so it was a great experience. Part of the duties include cleaning the hutches, doing small health checks on the animals, sweeping the hay, keeping them clean, and generally making a fuss over them with lots of attention and cuddles! I hope that I can meet some of the dogs soon, also, so it will be interesting to see how it turns out.

♕

Thank you if you've read this far, and please feel free to follow or comment if you'd like! I've been a bit behind on my posts recently, but I'm trying to get back into it.

ℰllie

Monthly Log: Christmas, Maxime, and a Very Happy New Year

Hello everyone,

I hope you've had a happy holiday season, whatever you celebrate (or don't celebrate)! My Christmas was a wonderful occasion, as I was feeling happy and relaxed for the most part, and my aunt visited us from Australia. We played lots of hilarious games, which made me laugh until my face hurts; one of which, we seemed to play to death, but was probably my favourite part of the month. Along with that, there was delicious food cooked by my Nana and Granddad, and I snapped lots of photos using my new Polaroid camera (first time using an instant camera, so it's exciting but I need to work on getting the right settings).
It's 2018 now, and I'm determined to make this a very good year. Looking back on 2017, I had some dark moments, but also some lovely ones, including; a trip to Tenerife, visiting Chatsworth House, spending a bit more time with friends, seeing some old country houses from the National Trust that I love, going to New England - where I swam in the sea on a Maine beach, stayed on a farm in New Hampshire, and went on a five-mile rowing and swimming trip on the Connecticut River! I also did some baking, had a wonderful little birthday get-together, saw By Jeeves in Yorkshire, bought a ball-jointed doll, and started writing a new book. It makes me realise that there are happy times in my life, and that I am lucky.
One of my wishes for 2018 was to feel more connected to people, such as friends. Already, on the first, second and third days of January, I had gotten sweet messages from friends that truly made me feel appreciated - a "love you" from a friend in response to a picture I posted of us and our other friend, and a "you're a wonderful friend" from another. I was really happy and thankful that my prayer had come true already, but I know that I still need to work hard, especially seeing as I'm applying for university.
My other goals this year include eating more healthily (I don't think I've put on weight over Christmas, but I'm seriously lacking fruit and vegetables right now!), possibly cutting out dairy and sugar from my diet, along with all gluten/grains, as they're all foods that make me feel ill and sluggish. Having a kinder attitude towards myself, getting some exercise, finding a treatment that works, and hopefully volunteering in an animal shelter, is also on my list, as all of these things will help prepare me for the future.
The last five years haven't been good for me, and as a result I believe I was trapped in the time and head-space of my younger self, unable to move on and mature like most other people my age. Some days I'm still like that, and it's awful, but I feel like the months September-December have improved me in aspects, and it can only continue to develop this year into something wonderful. Positivity is key! And I'm going to accept so many different treatments and positive offers!

A certain plan that I have, is based around mindfulness - or, perhaps not that exactly, but something that will be relaxing and make me focus on the present moment. I have a lovely vintage/antique rocking chair in my room, that has been reupholstered and rejuvenated thanks to my family. It's in the corner of my room, between a wall and the wardrobe. I don't know about anyone else, but I find furniture-based enclosed spaces very calming, so this area is ideal for me. I want a specific place where I can sit and read, embroider, and drink tea, maybe once or twice a week, and focus on that relaxing moment with no distractions or thoughts about to-do lists or messages. Focusing on the stitches or tea is a good way of staying present, and can ward off stress as long as you don't expect the embroidery to be perfect.
I'm even thinking of decorating the little space further, perhaps getting a little coffee table to put my silver tea-tray on, and a small foot rest. I could make some cushions and find a nice throw, and hang some nice things on the wall behind me. One thing that I've always wanted to put up is my great-great-grandmother's tapestry from the late Victorian - early Edwardian era.

Tapestry by my Ancestors - © Ellie Morris

The message isn't very sweet, but I find it funny in a way that a child spent time stitching something that sounds so ghastly to most modern people. I don't believe that my great-great grandmother could have possibly been "such a wretch" as to warrant going to Hell (though admittedly I never met her), but it appeals to my dark sense of humour! 

Another hopeful goal is to develop my personal style more, in a way that is suited to my tastes and love of alternative fashion, but is comfortable for daily wear. To help with that, I'm planning to have a new fashion blog up by the end of the month.

  
New Year goals aside, the holiday season is always a very busy, and usually hectic, time of year. I'm kind of stating the obvious there, but it explains why I'm so out of sync with my routine and projects now! Although it was probably one of the best Christmases I've had in five-ish years, it kind of takes over the entire month, and therefore I haven't had much time to write, including on the blog. I'm getting back to a normal schedule now, however, and a few nights ago I even wrote 3,000 words of Maxime in one sitting!
Time seems to speed up when I'm writing that particular book. The first time I look at the clock, it's just about seven o'clock. The next time I look at the clock, I'm feeling rather thirsty, and I find that ten-thirty has crept up on me.

I hope that everyone reading this has a happy and successful 2018, whether it be emotionally, financially, or otherwise!

ℰllie