That Nagging Inner Critic

New Books - Photo by Ellie Morris

“A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.”

 ̶  Franz Kafka

[Letter to Max Brod, July 5, 1922]

Lately, I’ve been a gloomy soul. More than a little gloomy, in fact. There’s just something about long summer days and weeks that stretch into months that makes being away from the routine of university almost unbearable.

Summer should be about relaxing and abandoning all cares to the wind. Well, I’ve tried. If I spent my days doing nothing but reading in the garden, going for walks, and visiting friends, my inner critic would still hunt me down and demand to know what I’m doing with my life. There’s always that little voice in the back of my mind: “You should be writing. You’re wasting time.”

Apparently, I can only be happy when I’m working. Even as a child I forced myself to draw something new every single day, when making art was my favourite pastime and future career ambition. Perhaps pushing myself into a state of burnout was what eventually caused me to pack away my pencils and paintbrushes; I very rarely draw and paint these days, and the thought of it makes me wary of following the same path with my writing. It’s about balance, but then sometimes you just have to give in to the critic that hounds you. It’s the only way to shut the damned thing up! I did, and my mood instantly improved.

Nothing much compares to the feeling of taking out my red biro and striking through the words that no longer fit my current manuscript! Editing the first chapter of my novel thrilled me more than I thought it would. I could see my old mistakes, and it was clear how much I have improved over the course of the year. The confidence boost was more than enough to get me working again. I even decided to submit my writing to a competition that caught my attention!

We’ll see how the competition goes (I’m pretty excited!), but for now, here are some of my tips to get back to work on your writing WIP:

• Find some new books to read! Try out something from an author you've never read before.
• Write a blog post.
• Try for at least 500 words a day. Failing that, 200 works in a pinch. Just get something on the page. It doesn't even need to be good.
• Find somebody to hold you accountable to your writing goals! Ask them to nag you every single day about your progress. 
• Try writing a poem or script instead. 
• If you are struggling to get back in touch with your characters, why not write diary entries from the character's perspective, detailing a week in their lives? Their week could be as hectic and stressful as possible - keep pushing them to their breaking point! Make them miserable! Perhaps you could write about an ordinary week in their lives? What kind of routine do they follow? How do they feel about their life? What is important enough to them to write down? Can your find their voice? 
• Edit what you have already written. 
• Why not enter a competition? 

Forget-Me-Nottle: Why Write?

Hello everyone,

I thought I'd post here that I've recently started a new blog, specifically for my university creative writing. I'll also be posting reviews there, so that this space can be used for my personal writing and reflections, rather than becoming crowded with posts.

Books I collect - Photo by Ellie Morris

Please go to my new blog Forget-Me-Nottle to see my latest post; a reflection on why I write and a manifesto of my writing goals!

♕

P.S. If anybody is curious about the name of my new blog, it's a play on a character's name from the Jeeves books by P.G. Wodehouse. Gussie Fink-Nottle's name amuses me when I read it, so I thought I'd give my blog a name that can make me smile, along with fitting in with the theme of nostalgia (forget me not flowers) and history that I like to incorporate in my work.

ℰllie

People (and sculpture) Watching

As writers we must look for inspiration all around. It's always important to read lots and lots, but taking influence from the real world, what we see and hear in our daily lives and environments is even more so. Overheard conversations can spark ideas, and the influence for your next main character could be just around the corner - literally!
Here I'm going to write about some of the curious people and things I have seen this summer, and the environments which I found them in, since I like to keep a record; the things I write are a mismatch of small aspects from everyday life, imagery and experiences found in dreams, and things I like in books and films - and I often like to write about young people, since it encompasses my own experiences, thoughts and feelings over the almost two decades I've been alive.

Football Match

I'm not usually a football fan, but since my younger brother is really passionate about it I decided to go see his match one sunny day in July. It's kind of interesting to see how kids interact with each other, especially in a competitive sport, which usually doesn't bring out the best in people... My brother's a good team player and I was pleased to see that everyone on both teams were pleasant too.

The surrounding area was quite unusual. Being a heatwave, the green fields were blazing hot and bleached by the sun, crunching underfoot. Behind me, where I sat watching, reading, writing and smiling, was the animal shelter where I volunteered since the beginning of the year, and an abandoned convent which was once the learning place of, shall I say "troubled kids" (I want to be nice about it because it's just one of those sad things, but working next door to that building I'd seen some kind of scary and unusual things!). The large metal crosses high up on the roofs would probably have burnt you if you were to touch them. Ants crawled over my arms and legs, over the picnic blanket and on top of my hat, trying to get near the apple which I did not want to share with six-legged friends.

The young footballers were red-faced and determined, sometimes getting accidentally tangled up with each other's legs on the pitch, being over-eager and clumsy. Babies murmured peacefully and spectators laughed, but what caught my attention was the repetitive, chime-like giggling of a group of siblings in the near distance.

Three girls and a small boy were playing with a flattened magpie, tossing it up into the air and laughing. Obviously it was dead - dead as a dodo, *coughs* - and they just didn't care or seem to mind. They threw it to one another and held it by its stiff, wide-spread wings as easily as a cardboard cut-out. The children were so innocent; death and bacteria did not bother them or send them scurrying away, but the latter notion scared me for sure. I wondered if I should get up and tell them to leave it alone, for it might've contained nasty germs and nobody else seemed to know of their game, but a parent beat me to it.
"Bye, dead bird," the children said softly as they went to go play hide and seek elsewhere.

Gallery

My parents have told me that I seem to attract strange interactions with other people. Maybe it's true. I don't like speaking with people I don't know, especially if something seems off about them, but as a timid-looking girl I guess it can be hard to avoid them in public spaces... Liverpool is a busy place - not as bad as London, but there are certainly lots of people, and it takes all sorts to make the world.

I decided to visit an art gallery which I've been to a few times before, since it contains a rather striking room filled with Grecian and Romanesque marble figures, bathed in whites and cream and black, which I figured would be interesting to photograph on my new/old camera.
Well, my favourite statue in the entire room could be spotted at once. I do admire little Puck, the mischievous sprite from Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream". His grumpy face and devilish wings contrast greatly with his chubby-cheeked cherubic-ness, and despite the fact that he could not move or speak or do a single interesting thing, he was probably the best thing I encountered that day. I would have sketched him if I had time, but there was an 18th Century fashion exhibit in the next room!

One thing that soured the trip a little was the walk to and from the gallery. It was much longer than I remembered, especially since I'm battling some pretty bad fatigue at the moment, and with road works I had to walk a slightly different path. A man in an orange luminous vest was laid out across the narrow walkway, and so I had to step over him as there was nowhere else to go. Fair enough, I suppose he was tired too.
But walking that way, I caught the attention of a man on the other side of the road, who trudged through the traffic to approach me. He was drunk, and I was a little scared, though now I think back on it I find it a bit funny. When he spoke I couldn't understand him well, but I caught this:
"What colour are you?" I had no idea what he meant, since I'm obviously as white as a sheet and splotched red from embarrassment and exercise. "You can be any colour in the rainbow! Or all of them."
I ignored him since the only colour I could think of was 'leave-me-alone lavender,' but he continued to follow and pester me.
"Use your imagination. I'm sure you have one, don't you!" I ignored him more... then finally lost him at the crossing where he called me a "vampire" and then latched onto somebody else.

♕

Well, that's people for you. When will any of this work its way into my writing? Probably not any time soon, but it was fun to write about my experiences!

ℰllie

What's Left Behind in the Graveyard Maze

There's something really fascinating about instant cameras in this day and age. The fact that it prints immediately, and that you only have a limited amount of shots on the film roll make the moments more memorable, in a way. For a while I have wanted to go back to this particular graveyard in my town, which was once a place that I saw everyday from my bedroom window. Even when I moved house, the graveyard seemed to follow me, at least subconsciously. 

I have always found it a place of tranquillity and beauty, nothing sinister about it. As a child, it was just there, a part of everyday life, but in recent years I have dreamt of it on an almost regular basis. I have quite a few recurring dreams, so this was not distressing to me. In fact, the dreamy version of this cemetery is something that I can recall vividly; it sprawls across the hills for miles and miles - hundreds of acres, even - with each tombstone a work of art, packed in like sardines, and the early morning sky a dusky blue. 

Every dream has a different landscape, shifting into new things in each one, but somehow I know it is the same place, presenting a different guise. It is lush and crowded, covered with green. Unearthly, yet radiating peacefulness and a distant sense of melancholy, which doesn't quite touch me. Time stands still. It always does in the graveyard.

Eventually the sun begins to set, and a whole day has passed with me wandering the grounds or propped up against a tombstone. The sky is cast with buttermilk yellow clouds, and I lie down to rest. There is no point trying to get home, for I have walked too far to get back before nightfall. Yet somehow this doesn't worry me, I'm languid and calm. 

You can perhaps see why I was eager to get back. I find it a very interesting and pretty place, and although I don't know what my recurring dreams mean, I rather like them. It changes every time I visit, so this time I came armed with my Instax camera and a phone to take video footage.

I was not disappointed at all to find that due to the current weather, the entire place has been sun-bleached, adding to the sense of overgrowth and decay; one time years and years ago, I actually got a bit dizzy and fell as I walked through the grass. It was also summertime, in the midst of the ragged, angel-strewn paths. I was a bit stunned, so I just laid there, feeling the sun on my skin. The grass was dead, just as it was when I visited yesterday, and felt more like straw, scratching my arms and clinging to my hair and clothes. The heat and vast blue sky (which didn't quite make it into my photos, for some reason) reminded me of that day.

Perhaps due to budget cuts in my area, the graveyard seems to have withered and decayed even more since the last time I saw it. The church is boarded up, its peeling green doors double padlocked and coated with webs, and the caretaker's house has long been deserted, probably as long as I have been alive. The windows once had lace curtains, but now they have been torn down and replaced with wood painted black. Tombs have fallen from their foundations due to the recent snow, and the angels are bound with thorny branches. I found a pink silk rose, thrown nonchalantly to the statue of Jesus. Nearby, a bush had been dislodged from its roots and looked as though it had fallen from the sky, sitting next to the grave of a woman called Margaret. But despite the decline in care, wild poppies have sprouted in clusters around the entrance, and swallows dart through the air like missiles.

Last night I spent a few hours learning how to use a video editing software so that I could make this very short film. It is not perfect, or even good, by any means, but I had a lot of fun cutting clips and editing it all together! Here is the result:

The angel headstones are probably my favourite part of the place, which gave the name to my blog: "Nocturne des Anges". It can either mean a Nocturne piece of music, since I love classical music (especially Satie), or a nighttime scene, bringing to mind angels singing in the night.
If you watch, I hope you enjoy seeing the features of the graveyard as much as I enjoyed filming them!

ℰllie

Remnants: Heatwave, Snapshots, Collections

I apologise for the long delay in posting here on the blog! The past month or so have soared by, just as a cloud sails through the sky; it may appear slow to those laying in the long grass and pointing out peculiar shapes, but much higher up, closer to what is really happening, the wind is pushing the cloud at a surprisingly fast speed. That is how time feels for me, as of late. Things are slow and peaceful in the moment, but when I really think about it, the days are escaping me, as it is June already! I totally forgot to post this month, even though I had a couple of ideas.

There isn't much news to report from the writing front. I did, however, get a new laptop that I'm hoping will see me through university (I accepted my place for Creative Writing this month, too). My last one was very old, slow and heavy - much like myself lately, so who can blame it? - and seemed to suffer with fainting spells, overheating and then blacking out. This naturally made chronicling Maxime's life quite difficult, so it was high time to dive into my savings for a new laptop to abuse.

Whilst dallying around the chore of copying everything from my deceased laptop to my brand spanking new one, and installing Scrivener once again (why all the little tiny files, Scrivener?) I began some more research for Maxime, which was a great distraction from basically everything else. Armed with highlighters and gel pens, I can make some damn good notes. Unfortunately I become so absorbed in research that I forget to write the actual story, so I'm still on 32,000+ words right now. The story is starting to get pretty intense though, so perhaps my characters needed a little rest... (or maybe I just need a kick up the bum).

I've been very into photography lately, which has also become a nice diversion from what I should be doing. Both digital and film are interesting to me, so I have been experimenting with film cameras (mostly an Instax mini 9 as a starter camera, and then a Kodak funsaver disposable which I picked up on a whim to see if I like it).
I will show a couple of pics here; the first few are of a trip I took to Leamington-spa and Warwick Castle in early April, then there is a photo of the wildflowers I gathered on the banks of a bridge outside my grandmother's house. The last one was taken today, on a country trail.

Jephson Gardens, Leamington-Spa - Ellie Morris

More of Jephson Gardens and an urn at Warwick Castle - Ellie Morris

Warwick Castle - Ellie Morris

I've also taken up scrapbooking again, pressing flowers between my heavy dressmaking books and tearing up old leaflets. It's really the little things that make me happy, such as taking photos and finding beautiful flowers and plants on walks. Currently there is a heatwave in England, which I mostly stay inside to avoid, but the summer sunshine and rain really bring out the beauty of what lies outside my closed curtains and locked door.

A Posy of Forget-me-nots - Ellie Morris

I suppose I have a huge case of wanderlust, wanting to see and do everything I can. This may be why I take my camera everywhere and come up with a never ending list of places I wish to go. From my bedroom everything seems so far away, especially since I'm sick a lot of the time, but it's nice to take things slowly sometimes.

A bench covered in nettles on a country trail in Cheshire - Ellie Morris

I was very glad to hear this week that my family have finally decided where we will be going on holiday this summer - we're going to Portugal for the first time! Portugal has been on my dream travel list for a while now, and although it isn't Lisbon as I planned, it will be very exciting!
I have started collecting Victorian CDVs (Carte de Visites, or 'visiting cards' in English, which are basically small studio photographic portraits that people used to exchange and collect in albums, taken of family members and friends). Hopefully I can find some in Portugal, too, in some antique shop or market... There is something strange but fulfilling about collecting the portraits of long-gone strangers from all around the world, gathering people together that most likely never would have breathed the same air.

I'm just going completely mad about my collections lately. Small, meaningless things that don't have much value, but that I love to pour over and seek out, such as postcards, photos, antique and vintage books and magazines, etc. When I was younger I used to collect rocks and crystals rather than play with toys, so I suppose collecting is just one of those creature comforts that I always fall back on when I'm not feeling very creative.

The Painter (I decided to call him Edwin) - Ellie Morris

Swedish boy from 1906, whom I named Alexander - Ellie Morris

Well-dressed siblings, named Tobias and Louisa - Ellie Morris

Hopefully I can get out of this rut soon, and it will be business as usual, both for my novels, and for this blog!

Ellie

Jan & Feb Monthly Logs: Better Things, Happy Mail, and Opportunities

If you've been following my posts on my Facebook and Instagram accounts, I recently posted a picture of my area's weather in a more peaceful, picturesque state (and I will post it here too, as it's rather pretty).

Winter in March - Ellie Morris

Imagine my surprise when I opened the curtains to find everywhere covered in frosty white blankets, a fairytale image of bliss that we rarely get in our damp and blustery town by the sea. Snow falling from the sky, it was a happy day for most; my brother experienced a snowball fight and building a snowman for the first time, and I know he wasn't the only one that enjoyed this change in weather.
Now, I never used to be such a Scrooge, as I have fond memories of snowball fights in the fields and my sister's good aim and timing, which ended up with a snowball inside my mouth! But I have to confess that snow, these days, is an anxious nightmare for me. I have issues with my balance and walking, and if I slip on the ice, I could potentially get injured. So I mostly stayed inside, which isn't necessarily depressing... until the boiler broke down within a few hours of The Beast from the East coming to the UK!
I'll tell you, this week has been an absolute challenge! The highlight was definitely having no central heating or warm water for three days (it turned out that the pipes had been frozen solid, so it was an easy fix, thankfully), but some other trials turned this week from bad to worse. Other annoying things included strange dreams and little sleep; a meeting (it wasn't too bad, but I just dislike that sort of thing); baking disasters that ultimately ended up being okay, but was very trying and I had to make three separate attempts; embarrassing myself in public; a blood test that ended up with blood running all down my arm; and finally, to top things off, as soon as I got to the restaurant for my sister's birthday, I realised that I had forgotten something very important... Underwear.
It's been a crazy week, but at least it ended on a funny note! And there were so many good things that happened within the past two months.
So on a more positive note...

January

Such a wonderful thing happened on the first day of this month! My lovely friend, Vivi, opened her own indie Lolita fashion business!! We'd chatted about such a thing for some time, and she is such a talented, sweet and dedicated soul that I'm so incredibly proud of her; you go, girl! She works in a team of three to produce historically-inspired, lacy, intricate, dreamy designs, along with her sister and mother. Their brand name is Viviana Iris, and I want to buy their entire store and future collections until I can hardly breathe due to my room being filled to the ceiling with ruffles, lace, and silk.
In fact, as soon as I could, I snapped up a pair of bloomers and a bonnet for my dolls, which was a dream come true, and I'm thrilled with the quality and love that goes into the clothing.
Please take a look at their Facebook page and Storenvy, and if you're inclined, follow them on her new Instagram! @vivianairisfashions

Beautiful things from Viviana Iris

Another exciting mail day was when I received my parcel from China, containing my first ever BJD! She is Myou Delia, and I decided to name her Aika, after my main character from my previous two novels, "When the Summer Ends" and "Mansions of Glass". She is a character that I felt incredibly close to throughout the writing, and even today she remains one of my favourites, as we have a lot in common - so a physical representation of my first 'proper' novel character is wonderful to have!
I'd always wanted a BJD, maybe for six years, and I had decided long ago that my first one would be Aika. I wonder if anybody else has a doll or figurine of their characters, as a way of inspiring and rewarding oneself for artwork or writing? Let me know in the comments if you have one, or if you're planning one!
(I don't have a great picture yet, as I'm still styling her and waiting for decent light and her official outfit - but she's too pretty to leave without an image, haha. The bluebell dress she is wearing, I bought from Cath Kidston and altered and customised. Perfect for Spring!)

Aika in her new dress - Ellie Morris

One of the achievements for January was hitting 20,000 words of "Tiger Lily Maxime"! Obviously I was very behind on NaNoWriMo to only reach that goal now, but it's still incredibly pleasing, nevertheless! Some nights I write 4,000+ words in one sitting, and only realise that it is past midnight when I start getting thirsty, and it's that kind of concentration and enthusiasm that really adds a significant amount to my word count. Otherwise, I think about it more than I actually spend time doing it, haha. I'm always getting new ideas and inspiration for this story, and it's been so enjoyable every time I find enough brain cells and hours to write!

February

Another busy month, also with some exciting opportunities.

I found out early on, that I received an unconditional offer for my Creative Writing course at university! Of course, I already had my qualifications from last year, so I didn't need to wait on exam results to receive my place - but I was still extremely happy to get an offer like that! Nerves almost always accompanies excitement, but I celebrated by travelling down to Liverpool on the train to meet my dad out of work, where we went to a Vietnamese restaurant that I like (I discovered Vietnamese pho in January, and found that I can't get enough of it!), and did some shopping.

Mint Turntable and Morricone - Ellie Morris

It was a really lovely evening, and I bought myself a record player in HMV! I've been interested in record players, as a lot of the music I like is quite old, but I'm so glad that I took the plunge and actually got one. Usually if I want something, I sit around and think about it for a long while, and it's probably a few months before I actually get my paws on whatever it is I'm thinking of getting - but this was a relatively quick decision, and not at all a bad one!

First two Vinyls - Ellie Morris

The first vinyl I bought was a live album of Ennio Morricone in Santa Cecilia. It was really fun to listen to, and sometimes as I drift off to sleep, it feels like I'm in a spaghetti western movie.
The next day, I bought an album by another artist that I admire, Clothilde, a young singer in the late 1960's who was famous for her sweet voice but cynical and strange lyrics. I'm so glad to own this record too, as I listen to her "French Swinging Mademoiselle" album a lot.
Since my dad was very pleased about my record player, he told his cousin, who dropped off two huge boxes of his late mother's records; I found some real treasures in there, including Siouxsie and the Banshee's "Once Upon a Time" album, and a Glen Miller compilation, along with a LOT of Elvis and other rock n' roll artists. This week I'm going through them all, working out what I can sell, and which ones I will keep. There must be over 200, so it's going to take a while!

Aside from that, I also started a small, part-time volunteering job at an animal shelter for small pets! It's early days, as I've only been once so far, but I enjoyed looking after the animals. There are two rabbits, two guinea pigs, a cage of degus, and three African Grey parrots! Holding the parrot for the first time was kind of scary, as they're so big and have massive, sharp beaks, but I'd never done that before, so it was a great experience. Part of the duties include cleaning the hutches, doing small health checks on the animals, sweeping the hay, keeping them clean, and generally making a fuss over them with lots of attention and cuddles! I hope that I can meet some of the dogs soon, also, so it will be interesting to see how it turns out.

♕

Thank you if you've read this far, and please feel free to follow or comment if you'd like! I've been a bit behind on my posts recently, but I'm trying to get back into it.

ℰllie

Monthly Log: Christmas, Maxime, and a Very Happy New Year

Hello everyone,

I hope you've had a happy holiday season, whatever you celebrate (or don't celebrate)! My Christmas was a wonderful occasion, as I was feeling happy and relaxed for the most part, and my aunt visited us from Australia. We played lots of hilarious games, which made me laugh until my face hurts; one of which, we seemed to play to death, but was probably my favourite part of the month. Along with that, there was delicious food cooked by my Nana and Granddad, and I snapped lots of photos using my new Polaroid camera (first time using an instant camera, so it's exciting but I need to work on getting the right settings).
It's 2018 now, and I'm determined to make this a very good year. Looking back on 2017, I had some dark moments, but also some lovely ones, including; a trip to Tenerife, visiting Chatsworth House, spending a bit more time with friends, seeing some old country houses from the National Trust that I love, going to New England - where I swam in the sea on a Maine beach, stayed on a farm in New Hampshire, and went on a five-mile rowing and swimming trip on the Connecticut River! I also did some baking, had a wonderful little birthday get-together, saw By Jeeves in Yorkshire, bought a ball-jointed doll, and started writing a new book. It makes me realise that there are happy times in my life, and that I am lucky.
One of my wishes for 2018 was to feel more connected to people, such as friends. Already, on the first, second and third days of January, I had gotten sweet messages from friends that truly made me feel appreciated - a "love you" from a friend in response to a picture I posted of us and our other friend, and a "you're a wonderful friend" from another. I was really happy and thankful that my prayer had come true already, but I know that I still need to work hard, especially seeing as I'm applying for university.
My other goals this year include eating more healthily (I don't think I've put on weight over Christmas, but I'm seriously lacking fruit and vegetables right now!), possibly cutting out dairy and sugar from my diet, along with all gluten/grains, as they're all foods that make me feel ill and sluggish. Having a kinder attitude towards myself, getting some exercise, finding a treatment that works, and hopefully volunteering in an animal shelter, is also on my list, as all of these things will help prepare me for the future.
The last five years haven't been good for me, and as a result I believe I was trapped in the time and head-space of my younger self, unable to move on and mature like most other people my age. Some days I'm still like that, and it's awful, but I feel like the months September-December have improved me in aspects, and it can only continue to develop this year into something wonderful. Positivity is key! And I'm going to accept so many different treatments and positive offers!

A certain plan that I have, is based around mindfulness - or, perhaps not that exactly, but something that will be relaxing and make me focus on the present moment. I have a lovely vintage/antique rocking chair in my room, that has been reupholstered and rejuvenated thanks to my family. It's in the corner of my room, between a wall and the wardrobe. I don't know about anyone else, but I find furniture-based enclosed spaces very calming, so this area is ideal for me. I want a specific place where I can sit and read, embroider, and drink tea, maybe once or twice a week, and focus on that relaxing moment with no distractions or thoughts about to-do lists or messages. Focusing on the stitches or tea is a good way of staying present, and can ward off stress as long as you don't expect the embroidery to be perfect.
I'm even thinking of decorating the little space further, perhaps getting a little coffee table to put my silver tea-tray on, and a small foot rest. I could make some cushions and find a nice throw, and hang some nice things on the wall behind me. One thing that I've always wanted to put up is my great-great-grandmother's tapestry from the late Victorian - early Edwardian era.

Tapestry by my Ancestors - © Ellie Morris

The message isn't very sweet, but I find it funny in a way that a child spent time stitching something that sounds so ghastly to most modern people. I don't believe that my great-great grandmother could have possibly been "such a wretch" as to warrant going to Hell (though admittedly I never met her), but it appeals to my dark sense of humour! 

Another hopeful goal is to develop my personal style more, in a way that is suited to my tastes and love of alternative fashion, but is comfortable for daily wear. To help with that, I'm planning to have a new fashion blog up by the end of the month.

  
New Year goals aside, the holiday season is always a very busy, and usually hectic, time of year. I'm kind of stating the obvious there, but it explains why I'm so out of sync with my routine and projects now! Although it was probably one of the best Christmases I've had in five-ish years, it kind of takes over the entire month, and therefore I haven't had much time to write, including on the blog. I'm getting back to a normal schedule now, however, and a few nights ago I even wrote 3,000 words of Maxime in one sitting!
Time seems to speed up when I'm writing that particular book. The first time I look at the clock, it's just about seven o'clock. The next time I look at the clock, I'm feeling rather thirsty, and I find that ten-thirty has crept up on me.

I hope that everyone reading this has a happy and successful 2018, whether it be emotionally, financially, or otherwise!

ℰllie

Changing Plans - NaNoWriMo Plotting with "Ready, Set, Novel!"

Well, plans change. I typically can't stand changing things, especially after saying that I'm going to do one thing and then do another, but since it's nearly November and I was given a wonderful workbook on writing for my recent birthday... I think it's time to fight my ardent dislike of the unexpected, and give myself a kick in the pants, as "Ready, Set, Novel!" has inspired myself to do. Literally. There is a page entirely dedicated to getting a hefty boot in the butt, and one for a high five, too.

The land of "Roses For Margaret" is a bit of a barren wasteland right now in my addled head, and I just can't think of the direction I want to marshal Margaret and co. in. Left or right? Happy or sad? Up or down? Alive, or... dead? Just kidding, nobody will die in that novel, but even so, the idea is rather tempting sometimes (just think of Paul Sheldon in Stephen King's "Misery", who grows to dislike his main heroine after spending so much time chronicling her life).
I don't quite dislike her that much, but her fuzzy lack of direction and the amount of staring contests that I've had with my Scrivener document for the novel, has given me too much irritation to be entirely pleased with the young miss. (Yes, that's right - I'm blaming my character Margaret, and not myself. Charming, aren't I?) I suppose some novels just give the author a lot of grief and prove to be more challenging than the others; I didn't have a very linear frame for RFM, and I dipped in and out of it very infrequently over the course of three/four years, so I think it truly would be worth it to move on to other stories, and come back afresh another time, with a better battle plan.
Or bin it. Binning it sounds good right now... But as my Writer's Workbook by the NaNoWriMo authors says, sometimes you will be in love with your novel, and sometimes you'll just want to rip it to shreds - but some time you will fall back in love with it. I'm hoping that will be the case in a year or so.

But a new idea has come to me, and I think it may be a good one, as I'm already besotted with the main characters and have a good timeline planned out. I just love them so much! I had that kind of love for Aika Rowland and Carrie Knox when I started "When the Summer Ends", so it's exhilarating to get that love for my characters and thrill for writing back!
As I go through the "Ready, Set, Novel!" workbook, I get more and more excited about it each time and so many ideas come flooding in. I stayed up until half two in the morning scribbling away in the book - starting at around seven pm - and was shocked to see how late it was, as I was really engaged! As you can probably tell, writer or not, this kind of excitement for a new story is much more constructive to writing than trying to slug your way through a book you started at fifteen years old, and never quite managed to pin down the characters and plot and whip them into shape.

I can now tell my uptight self that change isn't so bad after all. Maybe, whether you are a fellow Aspie or not, you have had the same problem? It's very easy to get an idea and stick to it no matter how challenging and demotivating the plan is, as I saw with my idea last year to "get Roses For Margaret done, seeing as it's already got about 50,000 words". I didn't want to change or latch onto a new idea, as the thought of it made me very nervous and irritated with myself - but if you're in the same situation, I'd say go for it and try something new! That's how I got my passion for writing and plotting stories back! And it's a wonderful feeling that I very nearly forgot.

As for the new plot itself, I have a lot of it penned down, but I don't think I should reveal too much just yet, as things may be slightly different in a month or so, whether it is a change of name or a new viewpoint. But it's set in 1960's France, predominantly in Paris - so despite going there often, I have a fair bit to research! The basic premise is about a teenage boy wanting freedom, despite having a life that other people would dream of.

I know it's early to start NaNoWriMo now, but I was too excited to wait for planning a week at a time, that I just had to get it all out. The workbook by Chris Baty, Lindsay Grant, and Tavia Stewart-Streit is truly wonderful, I would really recommend it to anyone that wants to write a book, whether it be the first one, or the thirtieth. Not only is the content great, amusing, and thought-provoking, the layout and style is simple but effective and elegant - just perfect!
November will be a month of being chained to my laptop and writing like a slave (I say hopefully). Wish me luck!

ℰllie